Life in the Slow Lane

Brianna is busy right now. She’ll be back. In a week. Or tomorrow. She wasn’t too clear on her instructions.

Ever since a certain Bahamian princess told the DJ to Pon de Replay, EVERYBODY has been getting my name wrong. It didn’t used to be so bad, but now in a post-Umbrella world, I feel it necessary to remind everyone that my name is BRIanna, not RIHanna, not RHIanna, but BRIanna with a “B.”

I am honestly a little flattered to be confused with Rihanna, as she is a sassy little thing, however I like my name, I’m proud of it, and I don’t want to give it up just cause someone has a successful singing career.

So Miss Lady at Starbucks, woman on the phone at the salad place, and other people that have got it wrong lately, please listen more closely next time.  Your job, and my sanity depend on it.

Every Wednesday, I post my sketch of the moment. For anybody who doesn’t know me, that is the sketch (usually from SNL) that I am watching repeatedly at any given time.

This week’s sketch:

Kaitlin’s Instrument– SNL

I know I have said this before, but I mean it when I say that this is my all-time-favorite SNL sketch. Written by the great Emily Spivey (who I wrote about here), “Kaitlin” is the perfect example of a character. All of her absurdity is grounded and truthful, and Amy plays her with so much care and commitment, that you can’t help but have your pants charmed off.

Legend has it that the Kaitlin sketches were created as a way to make Horatio Sanz a straight man for a change, but being such a good friend, Amy took that chance to mess with him and try and get him to break character. As you see her screaming and singing into Horatio’s ear, the fun they are having is palpable. The camaraderie and chemistry between the two is %100 evident, and one of my favorite parts of this sketch is the fact that even when Rick gets tired or annoyed by Kaitlin, you can still sense his step-fatherly-love for her.

I kind of love everything about this sketch. Giamatti is great, Kaitlin’s musical interludes are a ridiculous (in a good way), and it has quotables for days. If you ever want to know what makes me laugh, just click on the link above, and you will have your answer.

This makes me want to barf:

“You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, ‘cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?”

– Brooke Hogan

Really, Brooke Hogan?

Part Two of Dr. Horrible is up. Do yourself a favor and go watch it before it disappears on Sunday.

Dr. Horrible

Apparently my friends/family are chock full of culture because my phone/gchat was ringing off the hook yesterday due to a little piece in the New York Times:

…“We found a cafe that served unlimited mimosas with breakfast,” said his fiancée, Brianna Jacobson, 23. “And we do not have that back home,” Mr. Treanor said….

For the record, I am very much not engaged. However I do REALLY like mimosas.

Every Wednesday, I post my sketch of the moment. For anybody who doesn’t know me, that is the sketch (usually from SNL) that I am watching repeatedly at any given time.

This week’s sketch:

Dr. Horrible– Joss Whedon

Not necessarily a sketch, but totally, absolutely, definitely worth checking out. Nerd god (and fantastically amazing writer/producer/hair braider/egg beater etc.) Joss Whedon gathered a bunch of his buddies during the strike and put together a web series that’s three acts will be premiered throughout the week. The series is called Dr. Horrible and is about a guy named Dr. Horrible (surprise!) played by Neil Patrick Harris who is trying to preserve his secret evil doctor identity while winning over the love of  a girl from the laundromat. Oh… and it’s also a musical.

The series will be released on DVD in the near future, however watch it in its first release at the link above. I know I will… at least a couple hundred times.

Today’s post is dedicated to Mr. Corey mother-freaking Brown. Now I don’t do this for just anybody, but he said this blog needed pandas, so pandas there shall be.

Pandas Gettin’ Busy:

Pandas Gettin’ Scared:

And Pandas Drinkin’ Milk:

PANDA’S EVERYWHERE!!!

You’re welcome, Corey Brown.

I heard an ad for Bank of America’s Keep the Change program on the radio this morning. Read about it below, and see if anything stands out to you:

Saving while you spend.

Each time you buy something with your Bank of America Check Card, we’ll round your purchase to the nearest dollar amount and transfer the difference from your checking account to your savings account. You get to keep the change and grow your savings. What could be easier?

Did BoA intentionally rip off the whole plot of Office Space, or are the similarities a happy coincidence? I’d really like to think that some banking guy was watching TBS on his day off, drinking lemonade and petting his dog, when he happened upon the idea that could turn his reputation around.

I always fight for the underdog.

Remember how when we were younger the mid-morning and afternoon hours were filled with talk shows that were entertaining on a count of how trashy they were? I personally was a huge fan. I could have spent the whole day watching slutty girls go to boot camp, ugly folk get makeovers, super talented kids, or (my personal favorite) fat babies causing ruckus in the studio.

Jenny Jones was the end all be all for me. This was the time when butterfly clips, giant bell bottoms, and feathers were commonly worn fashion trends, and she in all her 40 years of glory wasn’t afraid to host looking like one of the Clueless girls on crack. I loved Jenny and her one step away from Jerry Springer show topics, and kept on loving her when she jumped the shark with Rude Jude. It was a golden age of giving America’s finest the 15 minutes they truly deserved.

I don’t know what made everyone turn their backs on non-celebrity talk shows, but it’s about time someone give them some big ups before they completely fade into obscurity. That someone is going to be me. I will step up to the plate and say that I miss Ricki, Sally, Jenny, Maury, and Montel. Always and forever. Brianna “the pinnacle of taste” Jacobson.