I have lived in my apartment for eight months, and this morning was the first time I was able to take a hot shower. I didn’t really notice the lack of warm water until winter set in, and I chalked it up the cold weather, or the snow, or the rain, or the lack of sun, or anything else I could think of.

It wasn’t until last night that it occured to me that maybe I was the one doing something wrong. I casually asked roomate Sarah to show me how SHE uses the shower, and yes, America, the pain and suffering of taking ice cold showers could have been avoided. It was all my fault. I am simultaneously the smartest and dumbest person I know.

There are approximately sixteen billion people in this world (give or take) and they have all figured out how to use a shower, while I have remained out in the cold… literally. All I have to say for myself is that I have a lot of talents and skills and I am going to go really far in this world… as long as I don’t have to turn on a faucet to get there.