March 2008

I absolutely can not get over the fact that I missed the Buffy reunion in LA last week. Everybody except for Alyson “Willow” Hannigan was there, and I was not.  I spent the greater part of my adolesence and teenage years watching Buffy, reading about Buffy, and pretending I was Buffy, so this is a blow that will take some time to get over.

On that note, a little birdy told me that Seth Green was going to be at Comi Con, and I am wrestling over whether or not to go. As you all know, he and I will be together one day, but I just don’t think that this is the way our relationship should begin. I don’t think the pick-up artist would approve of “I came to this comic book convention specifically to woo you” as an adequate opener.

That said, if you are a friend of Seth’s or are in fact Seth himself, tell him I will be lurking around the corner from the Javits Center. I’ll be carrying a red rose, and wearing my eau de desperation.

I’ve been sucking lately in the blogging department. You know it, I know it, and Corey Brown definitely knows it. To try and make up for it, I am going to tell you what I did this week while I wasn’t blogging:

  • Fell in a diner
  • Listened to a crap ton of Mariah Carey
  • Realized the only thing exempt to the “Rule of Three” is VH1 reality shows
  • Accidentally stole a headband
  • Decided a lot of girls wouldn’t be considered pretty if Sarah Jessica Parker wasn’t famous
  • My favorite pen ran out of ink
  • Worked 25 hours in two days
  • Learned about “rough drafts”
  • Loved the new show “Miss Guided”
  • Got sad that Whitney Houston lost her sh*t
  • Passed the courvoisier
  • Haggled at Urban Outfitters
  • Caught a guy putting on a fake accent while selling spa products
  • Looked forward to Keeping it Fun

I know this is a poor substitute for a week’s worth of entries, but please try to forgive me. It won’t happen again.

BTDubs, does anyone out there know what those circle and line charts you draw while brainstorming are called? This shizz is killing me.

All work and no play make Brianna a dull girl. Check this out until I return:

If you don’t like Astronaut Jones, you aren’t my friend.

Hello Upper East Siders,

As Gossip Girl comes staggering back from strike rehab, there is no way she is flying solo. Tagging along for some debutante drama is Michelle “Shut Up Dawn” Trachtenberg, bearing gifts of deceit to shake up Serena’s almost-serene world. The streets are abuzz again with the tap tap of Louboutins, as people rush to see the former fallen angel fall once again. So, strap on your Choos, ’cause this will definitely be a wild ride.


Gossip Girl

I’m starting to dig U2. I am getting old.

When I was waiting at a stoplight today, I saw a tiny, thin, well-dressed, blond girl coming out of a Starbucks, and after deciding that I totally hated her, I realized that it just might have been Nicole Richie. Why Nicole? Because the girl had this tattoo:

“Nicole” was wearing giant sunglasses, lots of bracelets, a white satin tank top (in the winter), and got into the passenger seat of a big, black SUV. The only thing stopping me from believing that this was actually Miss Richie, was that it all happened in Millburn, NJ.

My 86-year-old Aunt Rose finds this hilarious:

Dear America,

Are you really eating this**:

and this***:

The Sliders from Totes Gross, Indulgent, everything is Fried-Days, are small hunks of beef covered in cheese and sauce served on a pile of french fries, while the Fiesta Platter from Tacoh-no-look-at-my-freaking-huge-Bell-y is basically everything the “restaurant” serves covered in cheese and thrown on a plate with a giant burrito or taco. The nutrition facts for both items are conveniently missing from the interweb, however I am fairly certain that if you were stranded on a desert island, each of these dishes could probably provide you with approximately 18 days worth of calories and fat. I think the guilt involved with eating the Slide-right-on-to-my-mid-section-ers and the cardiac fiestarrest platter outweighs the cheesy, beefy****, carby, potato-y, I am an American Dammit-y, goodness that is involved in each menu item. Not to sound like a b-r-a-t***** or anything, but I just don’t understand.

Love, Brianna

*Not hating on diabetes, just quoting SNL

**Not real picture of TGI Fridays Sliders

***Not real picture of Taco Bell Fiesta Platter


*****More than I already do

Here is what Eliot Spitzer did wrong, according to my now 86 (Happy Birthday!) year-old Aunt Rose:

“Spitzer should have paid the hookers with a credit card. That way he would be less suspicious, and also get frequent flier miles.”

With age comes wisdom.

1)Vinegar consumption is a good way to lower cholesterol, make you feel full, treat sunburns and jellyfish stings, and, according to Sarah Claspell, a way to make any sandwich taste like it’s gourmet.

2)Templeton is the name of the rat in Charlotte’s Web. He is known for saying salll-uuuu-taaaa-tionnns. 

3)Diabetes symptoms include frequent #1 trips to the WC, being really thirsty, and also really hungry.

Today I learned that, just like Bret Michaels, I might have diabetes…. Or maybe it’s all the vinegar I am eating…


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