A Girl


Just as an FYI… ALL the footlongs at Subway are $5 right now. I don’t know if that is exciting to you, but for me this is fantastic news.

While my Subway consumption has dropped significantly the last couple of months, my roomates did recently tell me is that my Subway dinners are the only time I eat a real meal. AND the guys who work in the one at 30 Rock know both me and my order. I don’t know whether to be proud about this, or to go cry in a corner.

Regardless, $5 footlongs. Also, there are 99 cent lattes at Dunkin Donuts.

You’re welcome.

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I have lived in my apartment for eight months, and this morning was the first time I was able to take a hot shower. I didn’t really notice the lack of warm water until winter set in, and I chalked it up the cold weather, or the snow, or the rain, or the lack of sun, or anything else I could think of.

It wasn’t until last night that it occured to me that maybe I was the one doing something wrong. I casually asked roomate Sarah to show me how SHE uses the shower, and yes, America, the pain and suffering of taking ice cold showers could have been avoided. It was all my fault. I am simultaneously the smartest and dumbest person I know.

There are approximately sixteen billion people in this world (give or take) and they have all figured out how to use a shower, while I have remained out in the cold… literally. All I have to say for myself is that I have a lot of talents and skills and I am going to go really far in this world… as long as I don’t have to turn on a faucet to get there.

Dear Miss Anna Wintour,

Can I raid your closet? Can I just have like all of your clothes? Have you ever seen one of those clear box looking things where a person stands inside while a fan blows lots of money around for them to grab? Can I do that with your wardrobe?

I know you wear a lot of fur and are like half my size, two things I am not down with, but you could still share with me if you wanted. I really wouldn’t mind. Not even a little.

XOXO Brianna

 

Boo to Fur, Yay to Anna!

Boo to Fur, Yay to Anna!

First, I want to apologize for my extended vacay from this interweb space. That dark time is over now. I am back and ready for some self-indulgent bloggy adventures.  So here it goes…

I have been listening to a lot of Justin Timberlake lately… A LOT, and I wish his song Lovestoned was written about me. The girl Justin is singing about is the girl I want to be. Here are some of the lyrics that have spoken to me the most:

She’s flawless like some uncut ice

Even if I was flawless like some uncut ice, I so don’t have the flavor to be described this way. However, if someone said this about me, I wouldn’t need any other compliment ever again.

And all she wants is to dance/ That’s why you’ll find her on the floor

That part’s accurate…

But you don’t have a chance/ Unless you move the way that she likes/ That’s why she’s going home with me tonight

Basically, I want to be going home with Justin Timberlake, BUT I also want to be able to dance so hot that he comes to me. The girl he is describing isn’t a groupy, she gets results.

And she looks like a model/ Except she’s got a little more A**

Now that would just be cool.

So, in conclusion I want to be the girl that makes you Lovestoned. I want to have Lovestone-ing power.

Peace.

Ever since a certain Bahamian princess told the DJ to Pon de Replay, EVERYBODY has been getting my name wrong. It didn’t used to be so bad, but now in a post-Umbrella world, I feel it necessary to remind everyone that my name is BRIanna, not RIHanna, not RHIanna, but BRIanna with a “B.”

I am honestly a little flattered to be confused with Rihanna, as she is a sassy little thing, however I like my name, I’m proud of it, and I don’t want to give it up just cause someone has a successful singing career.

So Miss Lady at Starbucks, woman on the phone at the salad place, and other people that have got it wrong lately, please listen more closely next time.  Your job, and my sanity depend on it.

This makes me want to barf:

“You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, ‘cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?”

Brooke Hogan

Really, Brooke Hogan?

Apparently my friends/family are chock full of culture because my phone/gchat was ringing off the hook yesterday due to a little piece in the New York Times:

…“We found a cafe that served unlimited mimosas with breakfast,” said his fiancée, Brianna Jacobson, 23. “And we do not have that back home,” Mr. Treanor said….

For the record, I am very much not engaged. However I do REALLY like mimosas.

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