July 2008


Today’s post is dedicated to Mr. Corey mother-freaking Brown. Now I don’t do this for just anybody, but he said this blog needed pandas, so pandas there shall be.

Pandas Gettin’ Busy:

Pandas Gettin’ Scared:

And Pandas Drinkin’ Milk:

PANDA’S EVERYWHERE!!!

You’re welcome, Corey Brown.

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I heard an ad for Bank of America’s Keep the Change program on the radio this morning. Read about it below, and see if anything stands out to you:

Saving while you spend.

Each time you buy something with your Bank of America Check Card, we’ll round your purchase to the nearest dollar amount and transfer the difference from your checking account to your savings account. You get to keep the change and grow your savings. What could be easier?

Did BoA intentionally rip off the whole plot of Office Space, or are the similarities a happy coincidence? I’d really like to think that some banking guy was watching TBS on his day off, drinking lemonade and petting his dog, when he happened upon the idea that could turn his reputation around.

I always fight for the underdog.

 

Remember how when we were younger the mid-morning and afternoon hours were filled with talk shows that were entertaining on a count of how trashy they were? I personally was a huge fan. I could have spent the whole day watching slutty girls go to boot camp, ugly folk get makeovers, super talented kids, or (my personal favorite) fat babies causing ruckus in the studio.

Jenny Jones was the end all be all for me. This was the time when butterfly clips, giant bell bottoms, and feathers were commonly worn fashion trends, and she in all her 40 years of glory wasn’t afraid to host looking like one of the Clueless girls on crack. I loved Jenny and her one step away from Jerry Springer show topics, and kept on loving her when she jumped the shark with Rude Jude. It was a golden age of giving America’s finest the 15 minutes they truly deserved.

I don’t know what made everyone turn their backs on non-celebrity talk shows, but it’s about time someone give them some big ups before they completely fade into obscurity. That someone is going to be me. I will step up to the plate and say that I miss Ricki, Sally, Jenny, Maury, and Montel. Always and forever. Brianna “the pinnacle of taste” Jacobson.

Lately, a whim has struck me to go out and get an s-ton of tattoos. I wear a lot of black, and it’s become clear to me that some tasteful, yet rockin’ ink would be an amazing accessory. In a perfect world, I would look like this:

I’m not sure I could quite pull it off like Kat Von D. does, (I’m not sure I could pull off anything like Kat Von D. does) but I think I could work those tats out. The only obstacle standing in my way is that I’ll never get a tattoo that is bigger than a nickel… or a quarter… or maybe a dollar bill… Isn’t Kat pretty?… I digress.

So if you see someone walking around that looks like this:

(Plus a couple/a bunch of pounds and minus the bee’s nest and the effects of a pesky drug problem) It might just be me… new and possibly improved… Stay tuned…

Every Wednesday, I post my sketch of the moment. For anybody who doesn’t know me, that is the sketch (usually from SNL) that I am watching repeatedly at any given time.

This week’s sketch:

Ghost Hunters– SNL 

Simple premise, good heightening, amazing commitment, and LOTS of farting. Brilliant.

Flingers- The fictional restaurant in Office Space where Jennifer Aniston’s character is a waitress.

Jalapeno Poppers- These are jalapeno peppers that have their middles scooped out and filled with cheese or meat or cheese and meat. They are then deep fried and served with ranch dressing, jelly, or other various sauces.

Beets- A root that can be prepared and eaten in many ways. Among the sweetest of fruits, they are known as a cure all for illnesses and an aphrodisiac, more specifically used for lowering blood pressure and aiding digestion.

Thrilling.

On my ongoing hunt for over the top adorableness, I found this video starring a polar bear. If you know me, you know I love bears, particularly of the polar variety, so watch and try to enjoy as much as I did:

Did you see that bear cross the street!

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