February 2008

Dear People who Walk and Fart,

Please stop. I know how tempting it is to let one slide as you stroll down the street or mosey down the aisle of your favorite shop, but please, for the sake of the people behind you, don’t do it.

Despite what you may think, that shiz lingers, and it follows you. When I am browsing the %75 off rack at Lord and Taylor, or deciding whether or not to buy the generic body wash at Duane Reade, I don’t want to also be figuring out what you ate for lunch, or fall victim to your irritable bowel syndrome.

I know that passing gas/cutting the cheese/tooting/bottom burping is a fact of life, but I would prefer for you to keep it more private…like hair removal or dry skin.

So please, friends, when you feel like you’re going to let one rip, find a quiet, empty corner, and booty breeze until your booty can’t breeze anymore.

Thank You.

1) Bogart-ing: The term bogart-ing, as in bogart-ing a j-o-i-n-t, comes from the actor Humphrey Bogart. More specifically, it refers to the way he use to smoke cigarettes, rarely taking drags and just letting them burn.

2) Vegetable Oil: Vegetable oil comes mostly from beans. There are two ways to get it. You can extract the oil using chemicals, or press the beans, squeezing the oil out.

3) Adrianne Curry: Adrianne Curry is the first winner of America’s Next Top Model. She was born on August 6, 1982.

Girlfriend’s only 26. I find that hard to believe.

Match the person to the pictures. Answers are NOT listed below.

  1. Jerry Stiller- Ben Stiller’s Dad
  2. Jackie Mason- Jewish Comedian
  3. Elliot Mintz- Paris Hilton’s Publicist
  4. A Pizza Place- A Pizza Place








Lately when I listen to music, I wonder what Brett Michaels would think of me. Would he approve to me digging “No Scrubs” by TLC? Is it okay that I changed the station on “Crazy Train?” I know that he would enjoy my rendition of that new song by Rise Against. However, all this considered, would he still want to be my Rock of Love?

Also, while we are on the subject of Brett Michaels…I think he has found just the person he is looking for…


The first thing I heard this year on Valentine’s Day was “Everybody Hurts” on the radio.

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