May 16, 2008
I think in some remote jungle people use mangoes to brush their teeth. For serious. No Joke. The video linked below is also no joke.
May 15, 2008
Dear World,
If you see me twirling my hair, please tell me to stop. If I don’t stop, I give you permission to use violence.
Thank You.
Brianna Hope Jacobson
PS- Did you see this giant cow?
May 11, 2008
Cause when I go yachting, I never forget my hard hat.
May 9, 2008
Hey Ladies,
If you are trying to last an extra day without washing your hair use BABY POWDER. If you use BAKING SODA, your hair will be gritty, prematurely gray looking, and just as greasy as it was before. I don’t know what kind of dummy would pour BAKING SODA all over her head… certainly not me… but just in case you were wondering, I wanted to clear that up for you. It can be very confusing. Go BABY POWDER.
Happy Valentines Day!
Brianna
May 8, 2008
Speaking of Jane Fonda…
May 7, 2008
This is a real conversation I had last night with my 86-year-old aunt Rose.
INT. KITCHEN- NIGHT
ME
They took like a million dollars of taxes out of my paycheck.
ROSE
Somebody has to pay for the war.
ME
Well, I don’t want to.
ROSE
Me either.
OUT.
Did I mention I have the coolest aunt ever?
May 5, 2008
I want to take a moment to thank Miss Tina Fey for making it okay for girls to eat again. Her 30 rock persona Liz Lemon isn’t ashamed to eat ice cream on a treadmill or choose a sandwich over love, and for that she deserves a holllllaaaa!
Keep up the good work, Tina. You’re a beacon of hope in an otherwise bland, hungry world.
May 4, 2008
I’m going to go all David Lynch on ya’ll and start this story from the end. Yesterday, I bought a whistle from a man on the subway. It is a very nice whistle–silver and substantial with a black lanyard attached. This whistle came to me at 6am Saturday morning on the 1 train. I bought the whistle because the man selling them made me laugh. He had a whole rap composed, and while he rapped, he sold whistles… or 1 whistle… to me. I was the only one in my car who felt it appropriate to give a dollar to a rapping whistle salesman. Make me laugh, and who knows what I will do.
May 3, 2008
Here is a re-enactment of my waking up this morning:
INT. OFFICE- DAY
BRIANNA stands throwing green grapes at RACHAEL RAY.
RACHAEL RAY
It is so hard being a star.
BRIANNA
(Throws another grape)
You are not a star.
BRIANNA’S alarm clock rings waking her up. It is 5:30 AM… on a Saturday.
May 1, 2008
If you are interested in changing your life, you might want to go ahead and purchase a rain shower head. They hang from the middle of the ceiling and look like this:
Rain shower heads, making showering fun again.
This message has been brought to you by Brianna’s secret shower obsession. Bye!
briannahope