The following is an open letter to anyone having ANY involvement with Heidi from The Hills.

Dear Unlucky Person,

After watching Monday’s episode of The Hills, I am desperate to do anything (within reason) to expose Spencer as the douchebag extraordinaire that he is, so that Heidi can move on with her life. The way Spencer spoke to Heidi’s mother was inexcusable. It’s okay that Heidi wants to date a lazy, no good, snarky, butt head, but does she really want to date a lazy, no good, snarky butt head who is mean to moms? When he was talking to Mrs. Montag at the lunch table, you could practically feel the venom spitting out from his abnormally small teeth, and I am not going to sit back and watch this without taking action.

Have you ever been woken up at night by a strange noise, and written it off as the wind, or just said that it was nothing? I feel like that is what Heidi is doing with her whole relationship. Except that strange noise is what I hesitate to call a man, who sits around all day and does nothing. Heidi needs to snap out of it… take off the rose-colored glasses, perhaps get a visit from the ghost of bad-boyfriends-past, whatever. She just needs to see who she is really dating.

So that is where you come in. If you have any connections to Heidi Montag, please clue her in. I am begging you. On behalf of moms and future moms everywhere, break these two lame-os up!

Love and Heartbeams,


This is what Heidi Montag thinks she looks like: