Dear People who Walk and Fart,

Please stop. I know how tempting it is to let one slide as you stroll down the street or mosey down the aisle of your favorite shop, but please, for the sake of the people behind you, don’t do it.

Despite what you may think, that shiz lingers, and it follows you. When I am browsing the %75 off rack at Lord and Taylor, or deciding whether or not to buy the generic body wash at Duane Reade, I don’t want to also be figuring out what you ate for lunch, or fall victim to your irritable bowel syndrome.

I know that passing gas/cutting the cheese/tooting/bottom burping is a fact of life, but I would prefer for you to keep it more private…like hair removal or dry skin.

So please, friends, when you feel like you’re going to let one rip, find a quiet, empty corner, and booty breeze until your booty can’t breeze anymore.

Thank You.