I was watching an SNL sketch on Hulu yesterday with a male co-worker when this exchange occured:

AMY POEHLER (ON SCREEN)

I made out with Kevin Parker and he told everyone I smelled like Doritos.

ME

Story of my life.

MALE CO-WORKER

I can see that.

Which got me thinking… I am kind of a mess. Here is a running tally of food/drink I’ve spilled on myself lately, and how long it took for me to notice:

1) Yellow mustard all over my lapel… 20 minutes

2) Plain oatmeal stuck on my nose… 30 minutes

3) Vanilla yogurt pretty much everywhere… 1 hour

4) Coors light on my lap… immediately

5) Shrimp empinada on my lap… immediately, but I still ate it (don’t hate, that shiz was expensive)

6) Popcorn down my shirt… this took a couple of minutes

Something needs to change.