My sister got married this past Sunday. Here is the toast I delivered at her wedding. I am not quite sure if people knew how to take it.

When I asked Ilana about what I should say during this toast, she said it doesn’t matter as long as I don’t embarrass her. Usually, staying true to my job as a younger sister, I would ignore her request, however today is her special day. So, for the first time in my life, I will attempt to appease her.


Out of love for Ilana, I won’t talk about the time she fainted in San Francisco or when she burned her upper lip with moustache removal cream. I will keep the time she got caught canoodling at the JCC a secret, as well as her childhood obsession with clowns and ponies. I wouldn’t dream of telling you that she pretended to play the flute in her high school marching band, can’t cook oatmeal, used to steal my underwear, or that she took our cousin to senior prom… on second thought, that was me.


I think it is fair to say that I am just as excited to get Dominic as a brother, as Ilana is too marry him, and because I am such a good sister, I will try not to embarrass him tonight either. We haven’t known each other for long, but I know that he wouldn’t want me to talk about his epic burps OR his pre-Ilana fashion sense.


I am certain, though, that both Ilana and Dominic want me to talk about how special they are to me. Ilana has always been a trailblazer, and never backs down from what she sets her mind to. We all know what I-Wana…I mean Ilana, wants she gets. And, as you can see by her choice of husband, she has always, for the most part had good taste.


Ilana is someone I continuously look up to, learn from, and unconditionally love, so I won’t tell you about her many years of braces, that we used to call her the accidental chicken, or that she fell into the cake at her Bat Mitzvah.


All jokes aside, you are my partner in crime, Ilana, and I couldn’t be more proud or lucky to call you my sister. You have always meant the world to me, and I hope that doesn’t embarrass you.