When I was waiting at a stoplight today, I saw a tiny, thin, well-dressed, blond girl coming out of a Starbucks, and after deciding that I totally hated her, I realized that it just might have been Nicole Richie. Why Nicole? Because the girl had this tattoo:

“Nicole” was wearing giant sunglasses, lots of bracelets, a white satin tank top (in the winter), and got into the passenger seat of a big, black SUV. The only thing stopping me from believing that this was actually Miss Richie, was that it all happened in Millburn, NJ.